GAYLAXY - East India's first Gay e-Zine

GAYLAXY - East India's first Gay e-Zine

The feb issue of Gaylaxy is out. DO check it by clicking on the link above.

Posted using ShareThis

The story behind Gaylaxy

Finally. I got some time!! The dud year 2009 ended on such a high note. I never expected the year to end in such a fashion, especially since the year has been a bit harsh on me. After a series of mishaps I had on the day of the interview, I knew what the result would be. After all, nothing good could be expected to happen in 2009, not at the last stage. Moreover, given the way life has been for me, I always go thorugh Oh! I got it..to..Oh! I lost it and after a series of such Ohs! only do I get something. But seems lady luck finally shone...and I found my name on the list of selected candidates (or should I rather say my friends found out...I was fast asleep at that moment.)

Didn't feel much at that time. It took a day for the feeling to sink in that I have got placed, and the realization dawned only after all the calls started coming in. But I probably and thankfully didnt go through much of the placement jitters because I was already busy with my magazine by then. BTW, it has an interesting story. I had been trying to search over the net to apply to some LGBT magazine..so that I could contribute too. But Bombay Dost had just taken out an issue after almost 7 years, and there wasnt any word about the next one...and Pink Pages wasnt regular either. Moreover, it was possibly based in Bangalore. The only monthly magazine was The Queer Chronicle which started out form September. But it was only a Pune- centric one. They had hosted it on a free site.

Suddenly during the semester exams, just before the Optical Networks paper, a thought struck my mind. I know Corel Draw (some of it atleast)...I can write articles..then why not start my own Magazine. I just did a google search once again to see whether any such magazine is published in India. Damn it! I always get ideas when I am supposed to be working on something else. Convinced that it there are no such publications, I decided as soon as the exams end, I would begin my work. Told my roomie about it, but dont know whether he thought it as another of my "rebellious idea" or took me seriously then. But once the exams ended, I started working on it. Told a few of my net friends, but I experienced that unless I bring out 1 issue, it would be hard for others to understand.

Now, the first jitters were experienced by me when I began writng the first article which ws to be the cover story. Took me a whole day to figure out how to go about it and just start the article. Once I had written two articles, I needed some kind of affirmation that they weren't crap from someoneI could trust, some kind of support. Sid, DD werent here. So, I asked Sukanya if she cud just go through them and check for any mistake...the way we did it in MD. I had set myself a deadline of 20th Dec, since after that I would have gone to my home, and work wouldnt go on at that pace.
So, asked Pawan to design the cover page, and the template for other pages. At home, my holidays were mainly spent trying to do the layout, since I never had such a fine knowledge or experience of designing a page. Had done that only once during the Srijan issue when we had no one left to design the last page...and came out with the worst designed page of that issue.
And here I was to do the layout of 18 pages! And the fact that Corel Draw keeps doing its own processing for minutes, just adds to the frustrtation of it all.

At times, I felt so tired, I felt like quitting. After all, what was I to gain from it apart from some personal satisfaction? But, somehow I held on. Completed the work once I came back to the college, and the issue was ready by 10th. My roomie clicked the mouse button to upload it. The stupid little inauguration as he puts it. Started promoting by sending private messages to everyone on PR, and over Orkut communities. Never quite thought that would be sharing it with people here at ISM apart from the few friends. AFter all, they hardly liked what we brought out for them...and this was for an entirely differnt readership, with entirely differnt issues and perspective. So, once I uploaded it, MD memebers were the only one's I shared the link with. But probably networking did its trick, and to my astonishing surprise, it spread to many more then I even know, and yes, they appreciated it!

As for the appreciation from the gay community, I knew there would be, but never expected that it would be at such a level. Of course, I did my bit to promote it through the various pm's and replying back personally to those who sent any feedback. But never quite exected that within a few days, I would receive mails from as far as Mumbai, Gemrany and even USA! Mr. Sridhar from Mumbai is director of movies Gulaabi Aina and Yours emotionally, a leading gay activist too. Some one even offered to help financially, while others have come ahead to design and write for Gaylaxy. SOme ask me which NGO or organization I am with?

What scares me now is that what would happen when people come to know that I am just an inexperienced guy in his early twenties! The only thing that flashes to my mind is the scene from Deathnote, when Kira finally revealed himself, and people found it hard to digest. Yes, its kinda funny when people so senior of you address you as sir in the mails, and kind of scary too. The only thing that worries me now is, how am I gonna manage now? I might be able to manage the sem when, thanx to the friends, but what do I do when I join Aricent? Would I be able to ride on two boats? I dont know... for now, I am just focussing on the feb issue. Hope things will work out by themselves.

Thank you everyone who helped and supported me. Thanx a lot! For others, the
http://issuu.com/gaylaxy/docs/gaylaxy_jan_issue

(Oh God! I have again come up with such a big post!)

Enrique goes overboard with "Sad Eyes"

Enrique has come up with yet another superb song Sad Eyes, and as his songs become more and more melodic, his videos become more and more bold. The fans of Enrique Iglesias would surely be able to tell this. His earliest of video songs were "Bailamos", "Rhythm Divine" and "COuld I have this Kiss Forever". Each had enough of kissing and stuff to make it a hot no. With in "COuld I have this Kiss Forever", an orgy going on in the backdrop of the video.

This was followed by "Escape", "Hero" and "I dont know why". Hero had some love making scenes between the lovers in the video, while "I dont know why" had a girl bathing and wet as the main model of the video. Next up were "Addicted", "Not in Love"; with the videos getting bolder each time, with enough steamy scenes packed in.

His album Insomniac maintained the tempo. Songs like "Do you know", "Somebody's me", "Tired of being sorry", "Push" and "Taking Back my love" which were turned into video songs eventually all had love making as the theme. Giving enough of Enriques body show.

The latest video song that has been released is of a song from his Debut album Enrique, and the song is titled "Sad Eyes". The song was originally shot in 2000, but wasnt released bcause it was considered 'too hot to handle'. After almost 10 yrs, when the fans have got used to his skin show, the song has been recently released finally. And man, the video is unlike any other video of Enrique that u have seen. The only thing I can say is that he has just stopped short of pornography, and and is as erotic as it gets.

The video features an oiled shirtless Enrique looking up at an ad of a call girl and "massaging himself". Eventually, he brings home the girl, where they make some really hot moves, in a bath tub (with almost fully nude Enrique!), followed by a pole dance, gestures of the girl performing a blow job. Yes, he has shown it all, stopping just short of turning it into a porno. Dont believe me? Well, here are a few screen shots from the song (and man, they are HOTTTTT!!!!).

I thought his songs were getting better day by day while his videos were getting bolder and bolder. But seems I was wrong. He was bold enough in 2000 itself, he is jjust oening up to the world now.

And the struggle goes on...

I never thought I would be writing this, specially after it seemed that the dust had finally settled on "me being a gay", but the occasional comments I keep receiving now and then just makes me wonder and affirms what I had written earlier- Perceptions haven't changed much, they have just learned to live with it. If they get a chance, probably they would do anything to have "me changed."

Such comments during those initial days didnt bother me much, since I attributed this to their ignorance. But even after 4 months have passed, when I hear something from someone, its makes me think- Will things ever change? Some are just too convinced that I have a sexual partner in college, others still think that having sex with a girl would change my orientation and for some, gays are simply sex obsessed men! Here's a few comments I have had to hear even from people who supported me all along. May be, their intention was never to hurt, but unknowingly they have.

This one is from the initial days, but has been engraved deep in my memory, more so because it probaly reflects the general opinion. So, I was sitting in the room of this Mr. N, when Mr. N2 came in and after a few mins, the discussion went over to me, and Mr. N2 expressed his support. Now, Mr. N wasnt aware of it till then. After I came back to my room, Mr. N came to my room on some pretext, and asked my roommate in a low tone (but loud enough to be heard by me). "IS it right? Then, dont you feel afraid?"

Mr. N3 and I were coming together towards the hostel. On our way, he suggested, "Before we pass out, you should better rape somebody. No one will catch you, since we would have left by then." So sick!! I just asked him, so do u plan to rape girls b4 passing out? Just goes on to show that little has changed. May be, he might say it was a light- hearted remark, but it was too insensible to be said at all.

Another guy probably holds the view that gays are sex obsessed. A recent comment was- So, u want to have sex? Now, why wont a person who is 21, with a perfectly normal and healthy sexual life not desire it? Is there something wrong in it? People here have gone on to fck prostitutes; somehow, that was perfectly acceptable and something to be proud of, because its perfectly fine for a man to do that, in any way he does it. But, its wrong for a gay person to hold desires, because his desires are somewhat different. So, he is a sinner. Oh! this Indian Hypocrisy. One more thing, many of these men infact expect that their would-be wives should be virgin! Now, another classic example of Indian hypocrisy.

And for those who hold the view that gays are sex- obssesed and all, let me point out a few things. DC is flooded with pics of girls and women from other colleges. Some of these are private moments. They browse the photo albums of other girls, just copy the pics to their lappy. Now, isnt it a breach of someone's privacy? How is this ok? U have them saved, people whom u dont even know. But that is perfectly fine. At least, I am not sick enough to do that.

Another incident that occurred during the mid- sem exams that is highly deplorable. As usual, we had arrived much b4 2 pm. The classroom had filled up by then. Then a group of Post graduate girls passed from the front. Some "friends" who were near the door started passing lewd comments, and made catcalls. A clear case of eve-teasing. But, that is perfectly acceptable, bcoz thats how men are supposed to act! There is nothing wrong in finding someone attractive, but its grossly unjustified and highly deplorable to make that person uncomfortable. U can surely keep ur feelings to urself!

And there could be a long list of such things. What I fail to understand is "Why/ what exactly is the hatred against gays for?" This is a question I still find hard to obtain an answer to.

I had been asked by some, why didnt you reveal ur orientation earlier(to them)? I hope this post would help explaining my point. Its because its a everyday fight then, where each of your little actions is questioned, and your friendships questioned. Not everyone is ready to fight such a battle. I just decided I would, even if it leads to a thousand stabs evry now and then.

A Visionary PM, a qualified government

These days, often the discussion with my friends turn towards the Indian Govt. and the changes it is trying to bring about in the various spheres. Even though NDA govt was impressive under Mr. Vajpayee, the policies of the current UPA government leaves NDAs tenure far behind. That the re-elected UPA government was upbeat was evident from the speech of Dr. Manmohan Singh. A man who had mostly remained silent when he was accused of being a weak PM, was oozing with confidence in the opening speech of Parliament. Probably, Dr. Singh was now upbeat that people of this country had put their faith in his able leadership and provided him with enough seats, where he could implement his decisions without having to worry about allies taking away support and acceding to their demands.

An Oxford product himself, he had been the architect of economic reforms which bore fruits in the longterm, and NDA reaped full benefits of it. A visionary, he chose his Cabinet Ministers with care. Above all, the various committees that he set up to study the reforms required in different sectors were headed by intellectuals, and not politicians. He went about this in such a manner that Congress finally asked him to see that the committees included politicians too, who were left grumbling in private. Case in point is The Yash Pal Committee, the UID project. There couldn't have any better person at their helm.

In this regard, I would also like to appreciate Mr. Kapil Sibal. I have always believed that India requires leaders who can bring about radical changes in the current scenario. Mr. Sibal's efforts to reform the whole education system is a step in this direction. Without such radical steps, its not possible to put India on a fast track to development, and we would continue to be in our pathetic state of affairs. We might not be able to see short term gains, but in the long term, it is going to have a deep impact. For a country to develop, it must look at long term benefits, just like Manmohan Singhs economic reforms bore fruit after nearly 10 yrs, and now, we have a vibrant economy. I would also like to mention that the govt has introduced various policies and scholarships to attract bright minds to research.

Talking about educational reforms, The Right to Free and Compulsory Education is another appreciable step of the govt. The bill makes it compulsory for private schools to keep aside 25% seats for the economically weak students. Govt. would bear all expenses, including that of books. A family can approach concerned officer who would make sure that the child gets admitted in a pvt or govt. school in the neighbourhood. Schools would be adequately fined on denying the provisions. Another historic decision of the government
is its decision to pay the interest being accrued on Educational Loan for studying in a recognised private or Govt. Institution in India during the period of study for students whose family income is less than 4.5 lakhs. Though, its unclear to me currently whether its benefits can be enjoyed only by students who have taken loans in 2009( and after) or also by those who are already studying. Again, in one of the articles that a net search threw, it was written that you can avail of this facility only once, either in UG or PG. So, kindly gain complete information about it before availing this facility.

In the end, I would like to point out the fact that Dr. Manmohan Singh is a higly qualified academician and intellectual, revered world over for his knowledge and vision. So is Mr. Sibal, P Chidambaram and many others who are holding key positions in the current government. Appointing people like Mr. Tharoor and Miss Sangma key position in their first term as MP shows that Dr. Singh looks above petty politics of loyalty towards Gandhi family or a religion. He respects knowledgable persons, and knows they can bring revolution. Kudos to this visionary PM and his government. I suppose, (as I have always believed) its time that we bring in certain minimum qualification for a person to be a MP. This way, Politics can get rid of many hooligans.

Once again, Kudos to the current government. If it continues like this, there is no reason to believe that it wont come for a 3rd term under Dr. Singh.

Shocking Indeed, But in a different way

Too many things have transpired in my life since the college reopened. I entered the hostel, only to be greeted by Mr Bansal's - "I read your blog", as the welcome speech. I was surprised a little. Too many thoughts ran through my mind. My heart started thumping. While a part of me had always wanted that to happen, another part had always held me back. I had crushed that other part when I wrote that blog in Feb, but still, it was limited to a few people. I decided to finally confront the situation, and replied back- "Its good then". Soon a few others were telling me the same thing, with that wry smile on their face, and that evil glint in their eyes. I knew, finally, the cat was out of the bag and I must not flinch.

However, I wasnt fully aware of the exact situation, until my room mate arrived. All that I had faced till now was- "What am I hearing, U have written something in your blog", with that expression in the eyes that I find so hard to explain. And I answered it with an emphatic yes. Only after he arrived, and was probably flooded with all kind of "queries" and "suggestions" did i get to know about the "talk of the hostel". Well, there were various versions going around. Some said, I had declared in my blog that I was gay, and that I had a partner (and i suppose they meant sexual partner (whatever that means), and not boyfriend) supposedly in Delhi (dont know how they arrived at it), some said I had written something supporting Gay rights, others said I had come out against Sec 377 (as if supporting the cause makes u a homosexual!). Whatever it was that they heard, all of them were interested in one thing- "finding my partner."
Strange!! Assuming a 1% homosexual population (who mostly remain in the closet), pure statistics gives the 99% an edge. These 99% should have little difficulty in finding a "partner", for heterosexuality is so much common. In that case, should it be assumed that these 99% have a partner of their own (and they clearly are at an advantage).

But, the most shocking thing for me wasn't the hunt or interest generated in my sex life (I had anticipated such reactions). Instead, it was the harassment of my room mate! While no one went beyond those "What am I hearing!!" while questioning me, he was being harried with all that shit. Feel so sorry for him and dont know how I can apologize to him. But, I must thank the person who "spread the word", for it not only helped me open up, and become comfortable while talking about the matter, it also proved that many of my fears were unfounded.

Life hasnt become hell (really surprising!), but I know, that doesnt imply that people have become tolerant or acceptable. I have had some of the most frank conversation with a few friends, and received support from most unlikely corners. But I didnt start writing this post to narrate all this, instead, I had started with the intention of sharing some of the comments I received in these days from various people. Many find it hard to believe that a man doesnt have sexual feelings for a woman, but with time, have now learnt to accept it (or should i say, live with it), never leaving a chance to explain how "well" it feels. Here are some of the comments-

"So, who is your partner"- The most common , most annoying and most offending one. Why, does every straight person has one? Do they imply that they have reached the age of 20, fucking around women, and so expect the same? How many homosexuals have they known to arrive at such a conclusion? And someone's private life is none of ur business.

"When did you turn gay?/ Tum gay ho gaye ho"- As if, its a switch that u turn it on or off. As if u decide that since everyone is running around behind girls, I shall not follow the herd. No one turns gay my friends. He is one or he is not. Its just that you weren't aware of the fact before. (Of course, I am not telling that a person cannot develop such feelings at a later time. But thats another story.)

"Try it out with a girl at least one time, may be you will change" to "Go to a Red Light area, we would pay the money"- Now, doesn't attraction come to you naturally. This has been the most outrageous one. Never did I say I was a bisexual. That explains the plight of lesbians, who are often forced into marriage. Understood u dont get it, as to how can someone feel differently, but doesn't imply that u go on to make such comments!!

"Who will go through this big a blog, just show me where have you written it." Probably a thing of amusement for this guy.

Now, some positive comments

"I appreciate your boldness."- Thank you! Indeed, I couldn't take it any more. If only I could explain, how painful it is to remain hidden. Explains why freedom fighters started revolting against British, braving all tortures and hardships.

"That changes nothing between us."- A really matured approach.

Well, there are quite a few lessons I have learned. The first and most important – coming out doesn’t only affect you. It also affects the lives of those who are near to you. I am still pissed about all the shit that my roomie has to hear often. All this, from people who have known you for over 3 yrs now. I get it, why it is always said to come out to your near friends only. Do I regret my action? Well, I cant really answer that. It has been a pretty smooth ride. But what hurt me the most? It was all the jibes directed at my room mate. I would sure take this into account when I come out next time to someone. How my action could affect his/her life.

Most of the literate persons are still uneducated. I must say, despite so much sensible media coverage in the recent days, they are still ignorant about the reality. Mostly, they shun any news report that has anything to deal with the topic, unless of course it makes fun of the group, because that’s what they have in their mind. All that a majority of this “class of intellectuals selected through JEE”, who make sure that they have THE HINDU coming in their room because they want to read “good english”, could think about was sex. Who said being gay was all about sex? Sex is a part of anyone’s life, but not the beginning and end of it. And if I may point out, its jerks like you who go about raping women, molesting them at the slightest chance, making the society unsafe. Hardly any day goes by when there’s not a report on breach of a woman’s modesty in the most inhuman way. But still, you hear someone’s gay, and he is the one who is considered an assaulter. I don’t know, what this “Hindu” janta reads in the paper. But, you try and start a discussion on any current news, most of them would be at a loss of words. Just subscribing to a newspaper won’t improve things, you must go through it. And I am specifically pointing towards The Hindu because of the fixation of students here. And I must point out, that in the last month, it has published some of the most sensible articles, written by doctors from prestigious medical colleges. Still, if that is what your mindset is, then either you don’t read the articles, or you don’t want to break your prejudices. So, get your thinking “straight”.

And there are a thousand things I would like to write down. But, I always intended to keep this post short and precise. But as always, I have failed miserably. So before I wind up, I would once again like to thank all those who have been supportive enough, specially my roomie. If only I had considered this aspect too… But anyways, I owe a special thanks to that mysterious person who helped spread the word. Had it been not for you, I wouldn’t have ever come to know that I have such good friends, and that many of my fears were unfounded (though not all). There are many things I have learnt in the last one month. The discussions surely would have helped clear misconceptions of some people. Others probably don’t want to change. You can close your eyes and pretend that there are no homosexuals crossing your path. But the fact remains, I might not be the first gay you have known and surely wouldn’t be the last. Whether someone discloses it to you, would surely depend on how sensible you talk.

Have Money, Will Spend it

Mayavati came up with yet another way to put Tax payers money to some fruitless use. You wake up, you take up The Hindu to read, you look at the front page and then the last, and there she is. She runs a full page colour advertisement titled "WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CURRENT POWER CRISIS IN UP? Let people decide themselves.. " And the whole page contains a white paper issued by Deportment of Power, UP. All this, in The Hindu which comes here from Kolkata!

I am not telling that governments never highlight their achievement, but somehow, the politics in UP is based on besmirching of the opponent, by showing they didnt work, instead of highlighting what the current govt has worked upon. And btw, a full page ad in a newspaper meant for Kolkata!! What did she plan to achieve. I mean it made sense if she had ran this ad in newspapers of UP, but is she still clinging to her PM dream and trying to generate public opinion?

Well, all she could do was think of another ingenious way of wasting public money. After erecting her statues all over UP by laying to waste crores of rupees immortalising herself (and God, how shameless she is in doing it), she is now trying to hold on to her people desperately. All the money could have been used for so much good things, helping poor, feeding the hungry, improving the infrastructure. As many pointed out, constructing park would have been so much better, if she had "beautification"on her mind. But no!! Indian politicians have their own whims and fancies and they are so happy to fulfill it using the money they get from the tax-payers.

And given the trend of politics, when the goverment in UP would change, I suppose the new government would again spend crores undoing the wrongs of the previous govt. When would they understand, working for the people is the only way to get re-elected and getting "immortalised". Look at Nitish Singh. He is working towards developing a better Bihar and he is receiving all the praise. But as it turns out, the situation only gets from bad to worse and people have little option in UP, where the other main party is of Mulayam Singh Yadav, who had promised to remove English from the UP board curriculum for students. Anyone else has any better ideas to push India back some 50- 60 yrs?

But the scene is not restricted to UP. West Bengal is another perfect example of bad and worse. We have the Left parties on one hand, who have ruled the state for over 30 yrs now. During this tenure, they turned Bengal from a prosperous Industrial state to a state known for "BAndh Holidays". Yes, if u observe carefully, u would find that the bandhs are always called either on Fridays or Mondays to give an extended holiday so that they may go out to move their relatives during the weekend. And they were so happy closing the Mills and Industries initially in the name of socialism, that now they remain locked, without any hope of revival. But the recent Lalgarh incident has gone on to show their apathy towards the people.

Finally, when it dawned upon Buddhadeb how Kolkata had been turned into a sick industrial place, he did everything to attract the Nano, which would have surely turned the tide. But, our dear Mamta Didi wouldn't let Bengal progress. The whole of Bengal frowned upon, but she stuck to her ground and Tata said bye- bye. Things are turning towards her favour now, and there seems some real possibilty of the Left being overthrown. But would she follow what she propagated while in opposition, or like all other opposition parties, shun those theories, being fully aware how stupid they were. Well, I guess we have no other option but to wait and watch.