Its been a year now

I hope to make it a quick short post. After all, these days I seem to have lost the art of writing long articles. The first thing that my mind wanders to is the word limit, so much that when Sukanya had asked to send a write up for Shreya's Bday, I was the only one asking for word limits. But thankfully, umlike MS word, Blogspot doesnt show you the word count, so I needn't worry about it.
What a fine day yesterday was. I woke up, opened my laptop, and there flashed the admittance of Ricky Martin. Of course, his orientation had been the subject of speculation for years, but still, it became official now. I felt happy because as a celebrity, when you do that, you certainly change the views of many. At least many will now know that a gay needn't be feminine or something. But later, I also realised that it's been a year since I came out myself, somewhat in a similar fashion (RM must have taken some inspiration 4m me, lollz). All those feelings rushed in again, when I had finally let it out, and then wud keep checking for any comment from the persons it was intended to, to those words of support which finally came and relieved me. So much has happened since then. So much support from all corners, on the other hand, some say they are fine but their actions and words clearly point the other way and they hardly leave a moment to embarrass/sadden you.
And I feel so blessed to have such great friends whom I met through MD. MD is the best thing that has happened to me in my college life for sure. and I never forget to mention about MD wherever I go and have to narrate about how I came up with my magazine. I sincerely don't know what I would have done all these four years without MD. No wonder, Sid and DD were the ones I disclosed my orientation to at first. Before anyone points out that Gaylaxy is the best thing to have happened, let me point out, had it not been for MD, I would never have gained experience, never learned Corel Draw from Pawan and no such thing would have ever happened. At best, I would have been just one contributor to some other magazine.

I guess I am just in a jubiliant mood today and truly felt celebrating this "anniversary", which I was reminded of by Ricky Martin's admittance. But yes, before leaving this college, I do plan to come up with a big, nostalgic post about MD. All those silly meetings, about which DD would say "Hum sab kuch toh room mein aa ke decide karte hain, toh meeting kyun karte hain" to those sleepless nights during layout. Oh there is so much to write about what actually transpired in those meetings, which have always been coverts one. Let me see when can I take out some time next. I just need to get a little emotional. May be the MD treat or farewell will provide the impetus.

Time Out Magazine covers Gaylaxy

GAYLAXY - East India's first Gay e-Zine

GAYLAXY - East India's first Gay e-Zine

The feb issue of Gaylaxy is out. DO check it by clicking on the link above.

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The story behind Gaylaxy

Finally. I got some time!! The dud year 2009 ended on such a high note. I never expected the year to end in such a fashion, especially since the year has been a bit harsh on me. After a series of mishaps I had on the day of the interview, I knew what the result would be. After all, nothing good could be expected to happen in 2009, not at the last stage. Moreover, given the way life has been for me, I always go thorugh Oh! I got it..to..Oh! I lost it and after a series of such Ohs! only do I get something. But seems lady luck finally shone...and I found my name on the list of selected candidates (or should I rather say my friends found out...I was fast asleep at that moment.)

Didn't feel much at that time. It took a day for the feeling to sink in that I have got placed, and the realization dawned only after all the calls started coming in. But I probably and thankfully didnt go through much of the placement jitters because I was already busy with my magazine by then. BTW, it has an interesting story. I had been trying to search over the net to apply to some LGBT magazine..so that I could contribute too. But Bombay Dost had just taken out an issue after almost 7 years, and there wasnt any word about the next one...and Pink Pages wasnt regular either. Moreover, it was possibly based in Bangalore. The only monthly magazine was The Queer Chronicle which started out form September. But it was only a Pune- centric one. They had hosted it on a free site.

Suddenly during the semester exams, just before the Optical Networks paper, a thought struck my mind. I know Corel Draw (some of it atleast)...I can write articles..then why not start my own Magazine. I just did a google search once again to see whether any such magazine is published in India. Damn it! I always get ideas when I am supposed to be working on something else. Convinced that it there are no such publications, I decided as soon as the exams end, I would begin my work. Told my roomie about it, but dont know whether he thought it as another of my "rebellious idea" or took me seriously then. But once the exams ended, I started working on it. Told a few of my net friends, but I experienced that unless I bring out 1 issue, it would be hard for others to understand.

Now, the first jitters were experienced by me when I began writng the first article which ws to be the cover story. Took me a whole day to figure out how to go about it and just start the article. Once I had written two articles, I needed some kind of affirmation that they weren't crap from someoneI could trust, some kind of support. Sid, DD werent here. So, I asked Sukanya if she cud just go through them and check for any mistake...the way we did it in MD. I had set myself a deadline of 20th Dec, since after that I would have gone to my home, and work wouldnt go on at that pace.
So, asked Pawan to design the cover page, and the template for other pages. At home, my holidays were mainly spent trying to do the layout, since I never had such a fine knowledge or experience of designing a page. Had done that only once during the Srijan issue when we had no one left to design the last page...and came out with the worst designed page of that issue.
And here I was to do the layout of 18 pages! And the fact that Corel Draw keeps doing its own processing for minutes, just adds to the frustrtation of it all.

At times, I felt so tired, I felt like quitting. After all, what was I to gain from it apart from some personal satisfaction? But, somehow I held on. Completed the work once I came back to the college, and the issue was ready by 10th. My roomie clicked the mouse button to upload it. The stupid little inauguration as he puts it. Started promoting by sending private messages to everyone on PR, and over Orkut communities. Never quite thought that would be sharing it with people here at ISM apart from the few friends. AFter all, they hardly liked what we brought out for them...and this was for an entirely differnt readership, with entirely differnt issues and perspective. So, once I uploaded it, MD memebers were the only one's I shared the link with. But probably networking did its trick, and to my astonishing surprise, it spread to many more then I even know, and yes, they appreciated it!

As for the appreciation from the gay community, I knew there would be, but never expected that it would be at such a level. Of course, I did my bit to promote it through the various pm's and replying back personally to those who sent any feedback. But never quite exected that within a few days, I would receive mails from as far as Mumbai, Gemrany and even USA! Mr. Sridhar from Mumbai is director of movies Gulaabi Aina and Yours emotionally, a leading gay activist too. Some one even offered to help financially, while others have come ahead to design and write for Gaylaxy. SOme ask me which NGO or organization I am with?

What scares me now is that what would happen when people come to know that I am just an inexperienced guy in his early twenties! The only thing that flashes to my mind is the scene from Deathnote, when Kira finally revealed himself, and people found it hard to digest. Yes, its kinda funny when people so senior of you address you as sir in the mails, and kind of scary too. The only thing that worries me now is, how am I gonna manage now? I might be able to manage the sem when, thanx to the friends, but what do I do when I join Aricent? Would I be able to ride on two boats? I dont know... for now, I am just focussing on the feb issue. Hope things will work out by themselves.

Thank you everyone who helped and supported me. Thanx a lot! For others, the
http://issuu.com/gaylaxy/docs/gaylaxy_jan_issue

(Oh God! I have again come up with such a big post!)

Enrique goes overboard with "Sad Eyes"

Enrique has come up with yet another superb song Sad Eyes, and as his songs become more and more melodic, his videos become more and more bold. The fans of Enrique Iglesias would surely be able to tell this. His earliest of video songs were "Bailamos", "Rhythm Divine" and "COuld I have this Kiss Forever". Each had enough of kissing and stuff to make it a hot no. With in "COuld I have this Kiss Forever", an orgy going on in the backdrop of the video.

This was followed by "Escape", "Hero" and "I dont know why". Hero had some love making scenes between the lovers in the video, while "I dont know why" had a girl bathing and wet as the main model of the video. Next up were "Addicted", "Not in Love"; with the videos getting bolder each time, with enough steamy scenes packed in.

His album Insomniac maintained the tempo. Songs like "Do you know", "Somebody's me", "Tired of being sorry", "Push" and "Taking Back my love" which were turned into video songs eventually all had love making as the theme. Giving enough of Enriques body show.

The latest video song that has been released is of a song from his Debut album Enrique, and the song is titled "Sad Eyes". The song was originally shot in 2000, but wasnt released bcause it was considered 'too hot to handle'. After almost 10 yrs, when the fans have got used to his skin show, the song has been recently released finally. And man, the video is unlike any other video of Enrique that u have seen. The only thing I can say is that he has just stopped short of pornography, and and is as erotic as it gets.

The video features an oiled shirtless Enrique looking up at an ad of a call girl and "massaging himself". Eventually, he brings home the girl, where they make some really hot moves, in a bath tub (with almost fully nude Enrique!), followed by a pole dance, gestures of the girl performing a blow job. Yes, he has shown it all, stopping just short of turning it into a porno. Dont believe me? Well, here are a few screen shots from the song (and man, they are HOTTTTT!!!!).

I thought his songs were getting better day by day while his videos were getting bolder and bolder. But seems I was wrong. He was bold enough in 2000 itself, he is jjust oening up to the world now.

And the struggle goes on...

I never thought I would be writing this, specially after it seemed that the dust had finally settled on "me being a gay", but the occasional comments I keep receiving now and then just makes me wonder and affirms what I had written earlier- Perceptions haven't changed much, they have just learned to live with it. If they get a chance, probably they would do anything to have "me changed."

Such comments during those initial days didnt bother me much, since I attributed this to their ignorance. But even after 4 months have passed, when I hear something from someone, its makes me think- Will things ever change? Some are just too convinced that I have a sexual partner in college, others still think that having sex with a girl would change my orientation and for some, gays are simply sex obsessed men! Here's a few comments I have had to hear even from people who supported me all along. May be, their intention was never to hurt, but unknowingly they have.

This one is from the initial days, but has been engraved deep in my memory, more so because it probaly reflects the general opinion. So, I was sitting in the room of this Mr. N, when Mr. N2 came in and after a few mins, the discussion went over to me, and Mr. N2 expressed his support. Now, Mr. N wasnt aware of it till then. After I came back to my room, Mr. N came to my room on some pretext, and asked my roommate in a low tone (but loud enough to be heard by me). "IS it right? Then, dont you feel afraid?"

Mr. N3 and I were coming together towards the hostel. On our way, he suggested, "Before we pass out, you should better rape somebody. No one will catch you, since we would have left by then." So sick!! I just asked him, so do u plan to rape girls b4 passing out? Just goes on to show that little has changed. May be, he might say it was a light- hearted remark, but it was too insensible to be said at all.

Another guy probably holds the view that gays are sex obsessed. A recent comment was- So, u want to have sex? Now, why wont a person who is 21, with a perfectly normal and healthy sexual life not desire it? Is there something wrong in it? People here have gone on to fck prostitutes; somehow, that was perfectly acceptable and something to be proud of, because its perfectly fine for a man to do that, in any way he does it. But, its wrong for a gay person to hold desires, because his desires are somewhat different. So, he is a sinner. Oh! this Indian Hypocrisy. One more thing, many of these men infact expect that their would-be wives should be virgin! Now, another classic example of Indian hypocrisy.

And for those who hold the view that gays are sex- obssesed and all, let me point out a few things. DC is flooded with pics of girls and women from other colleges. Some of these are private moments. They browse the photo albums of other girls, just copy the pics to their lappy. Now, isnt it a breach of someone's privacy? How is this ok? U have them saved, people whom u dont even know. But that is perfectly fine. At least, I am not sick enough to do that.

Another incident that occurred during the mid- sem exams that is highly deplorable. As usual, we had arrived much b4 2 pm. The classroom had filled up by then. Then a group of Post graduate girls passed from the front. Some "friends" who were near the door started passing lewd comments, and made catcalls. A clear case of eve-teasing. But, that is perfectly acceptable, bcoz thats how men are supposed to act! There is nothing wrong in finding someone attractive, but its grossly unjustified and highly deplorable to make that person uncomfortable. U can surely keep ur feelings to urself!

And there could be a long list of such things. What I fail to understand is "Why/ what exactly is the hatred against gays for?" This is a question I still find hard to obtain an answer to.

I had been asked by some, why didnt you reveal ur orientation earlier(to them)? I hope this post would help explaining my point. Its because its a everyday fight then, where each of your little actions is questioned, and your friendships questioned. Not everyone is ready to fight such a battle. I just decided I would, even if it leads to a thousand stabs evry now and then.

A Visionary PM, a qualified government

These days, often the discussion with my friends turn towards the Indian Govt. and the changes it is trying to bring about in the various spheres. Even though NDA govt was impressive under Mr. Vajpayee, the policies of the current UPA government leaves NDAs tenure far behind. That the re-elected UPA government was upbeat was evident from the speech of Dr. Manmohan Singh. A man who had mostly remained silent when he was accused of being a weak PM, was oozing with confidence in the opening speech of Parliament. Probably, Dr. Singh was now upbeat that people of this country had put their faith in his able leadership and provided him with enough seats, where he could implement his decisions without having to worry about allies taking away support and acceding to their demands.

An Oxford product himself, he had been the architect of economic reforms which bore fruits in the longterm, and NDA reaped full benefits of it. A visionary, he chose his Cabinet Ministers with care. Above all, the various committees that he set up to study the reforms required in different sectors were headed by intellectuals, and not politicians. He went about this in such a manner that Congress finally asked him to see that the committees included politicians too, who were left grumbling in private. Case in point is The Yash Pal Committee, the UID project. There couldn't have any better person at their helm.

In this regard, I would also like to appreciate Mr. Kapil Sibal. I have always believed that India requires leaders who can bring about radical changes in the current scenario. Mr. Sibal's efforts to reform the whole education system is a step in this direction. Without such radical steps, its not possible to put India on a fast track to development, and we would continue to be in our pathetic state of affairs. We might not be able to see short term gains, but in the long term, it is going to have a deep impact. For a country to develop, it must look at long term benefits, just like Manmohan Singhs economic reforms bore fruit after nearly 10 yrs, and now, we have a vibrant economy. I would also like to mention that the govt has introduced various policies and scholarships to attract bright minds to research.

Talking about educational reforms, The Right to Free and Compulsory Education is another appreciable step of the govt. The bill makes it compulsory for private schools to keep aside 25% seats for the economically weak students. Govt. would bear all expenses, including that of books. A family can approach concerned officer who would make sure that the child gets admitted in a pvt or govt. school in the neighbourhood. Schools would be adequately fined on denying the provisions. Another historic decision of the government
is its decision to pay the interest being accrued on Educational Loan for studying in a recognised private or Govt. Institution in India during the period of study for students whose family income is less than 4.5 lakhs. Though, its unclear to me currently whether its benefits can be enjoyed only by students who have taken loans in 2009( and after) or also by those who are already studying. Again, in one of the articles that a net search threw, it was written that you can avail of this facility only once, either in UG or PG. So, kindly gain complete information about it before availing this facility.

In the end, I would like to point out the fact that Dr. Manmohan Singh is a higly qualified academician and intellectual, revered world over for his knowledge and vision. So is Mr. Sibal, P Chidambaram and many others who are holding key positions in the current government. Appointing people like Mr. Tharoor and Miss Sangma key position in their first term as MP shows that Dr. Singh looks above petty politics of loyalty towards Gandhi family or a religion. He respects knowledgable persons, and knows they can bring revolution. Kudos to this visionary PM and his government. I suppose, (as I have always believed) its time that we bring in certain minimum qualification for a person to be a MP. This way, Politics can get rid of many hooligans.

Once again, Kudos to the current government. If it continues like this, there is no reason to believe that it wont come for a 3rd term under Dr. Singh.