Saturday, October 24, 2009

And the struggle goes on...

I never thought I would be writing this, specially after it seemed that the dust had finally settled on "me being a gay", but the occasional comments I keep receiving now and then just makes me wonder and affirms what I had written earlier- Perceptions haven't changed much, they have just learned to live with it. If they get a chance, probably they would do anything to have "me changed."

Such comments during those initial days didnt bother me much, since I attributed this to their ignorance. But even after 4 months have passed, when I hear something from someone, its makes me think- Will things ever change? Some are just too convinced that I have a sexual partner in college, others still think that having sex with a girl would change my orientation and for some, gays are simply sex obsessed men! Here's a few comments I have had to hear even from people who supported me all along. May be, their intention was never to hurt, but unknowingly they have.

This one is from the initial days, but has been engraved deep in my memory, more so because it probaly reflects the general opinion. So, I was sitting in the room of this Mr. N, when Mr. N2 came in and after a few mins, the discussion went over to me, and Mr. N2 expressed his support. Now, Mr. N wasnt aware of it till then. After I came back to my room, Mr. N came to my room on some pretext, and asked my roommate in a low tone (but loud enough to be heard by me). "IS it right? Then, dont you feel afraid?"

Mr. N3 and I were coming together towards the hostel. On our way, he suggested, "Before we pass out, you should better rape somebody. No one will catch you, since we would have left by then." So sick!! I just asked him, so do u plan to rape girls b4 passing out? Just goes on to show that little has changed. May be, he might say it was a light- hearted remark, but it was too insensible to be said at all.

Another guy probably holds the view that gays are sex obsessed. A recent comment was- So, u want to have sex? Now, why wont a person who is 21, with a perfectly normal and healthy sexual life not desire it? Is there something wrong in it? People here have gone on to fck prostitutes; somehow, that was perfectly acceptable and something to be proud of, because its perfectly fine for a man to do that, in any way he does it. But, its wrong for a gay person to hold desires, because his desires are somewhat different. So, he is a sinner. Oh! this Indian Hypocrisy. One more thing, many of these men infact expect that their would-be wives should be virgin! Now, another classic example of Indian hypocrisy.

And for those who hold the view that gays are sex- obssesed and all, let me point out a few things. DC is flooded with pics of girls and women from other colleges. Some of these are private moments. They browse the photo albums of other girls, just copy the pics to their lappy. Now, isnt it a breach of someone's privacy? How is this ok? U have them saved, people whom u dont even know. But that is perfectly fine. At least, I am not sick enough to do that.

Another incident that occurred during the mid- sem exams that is highly deplorable. As usual, we had arrived much b4 2 pm. The classroom had filled up by then. Then a group of Post graduate girls passed from the front. Some "friends" who were near the door started passing lewd comments, and made catcalls. A clear case of eve-teasing. But, that is perfectly acceptable, bcoz thats how men are supposed to act! There is nothing wrong in finding someone attractive, but its grossly unjustified and highly deplorable to make that person uncomfortable. U can surely keep ur feelings to urself!

And there could be a long list of such things. What I fail to understand is "Why/ what exactly is the hatred against gays for?" This is a question I still find hard to obtain an answer to.

I had been asked by some, why didnt you reveal ur orientation earlier(to them)? I hope this post would help explaining my point. Its because its a everyday fight then, where each of your little actions is questioned, and your friendships questioned. Not everyone is ready to fight such a battle. I just decided I would, even if it leads to a thousand stabs evry now and then.

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